CDC to Fund Anti-Vaxxer Africa Trip
San Diego, CA – In a surprise move, CDC officials announced their decision to fund a portion of the Anti-Vaccination movement. CDC Spokesman L. Freamon explained: “Once we announced trials of the Canadian Ebola vaccine, we knew the Anti-Vaccination movement would condemn the research. Sure …
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#Cdc, #Ebola, #Vaccines cdc, ebola, Vaccines Full Articles, Infectious Disease
NY/NJ Ebola Algorithm for People with Recent Travel to Africa
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Newly Appointed “Ebola Czar” Quarantines Entire Navy After Learning Ebola Can be Transmitted by Semen
WASHINGTON, DC: In a bold first move since his recent appointment by President Obama as “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain will quarantine the entire US Navy after learning that the virus is readily carried in semen.
“Liberty is canceled again…dammit!”
His announcement comes on the hee…
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#Cdc, #Ebola, #Ebola_Czar, #Quarantine cdc, ebola, ebola czar, quarantine Emergency Medicine, Infectious Disease, News-in-Brief
CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys
ATLANTA – Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case. A patient with no known Ebola exposures in Raleigh, NC fell ill with the virus last week and had investigators scrambling to explain how it was contracted. Despite exhaustive and pa…
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#Cdc, #Ebola, #Patient_Satisfaction cdc, ebola, patient satisfaction Emergency Medicine, Full Articles, Internal Medicine, Primary Care, Public Health
Ebola Now Airborne, Nation Prepares
ATLANTA, GA – Ebola, the most deadly disease known to man, was confirmed to be airborne by the CDC after an extensive investigation of the case in Dallas. “At first we blamed the nurses taking care of patient zero, but now we realize that Ebola has somehow mutated and is transmitted like t…
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CDC Official Wants You to Think Really Hard as You Personally Battle Ebola
COMMENTARY: OPINION
“Tell me everyone you ran into at the airport”
Hi. I work for the CDC and I was assigned to your case. I traveled from Atlanta as soon as I heard the news. I was watching CNN. They’re based in Atlanta too, haha!
In my business, that’s what we call…
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CDC Releases Revised Ebola Management Policy for Healthcare Workers: Just Burn Everything
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake the infection by Ebola of nurse Nina Pham, who had cared for the first victim of that virus in the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have released a modified policy for management of the disease in the hospital setting. The s…
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Texas Ebola Doctor: “Nurse I’ll be right behind you”
DALLAS, TX – Reports are coming in that during the care of the Liberian Ebola victim, the lead physician told his nurse: “Let’s go into the room together. I’ll be right behind you.” Dr. Wesles, an infection disease specialist, showing his chivalry by opening the door with one arm while the…
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#Contact_Percautions, #Ebola Contact percautions, ebola Infectious Disease, News-in-Brief, Nursing
Ebola Virus: I’m Really Uncomfortable with All This Attention I’m Getting
ATLANTA, GA – Good morning, American citizens. Let me introduce myself: I’m the Ebola virus.
PLEASE! Calm down, calm down and please allow me a few words. I would really like to get a few things off my chest. Is that okay? Thank you. And please, please, forgive me, as I’m not much of …
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